What we carry on

This weekend was the first year anniversary of my grandpa Poppy's death. I made sure my Nana was here to spend time with us during these rough days so that she wouldn't be at home without family. I thought it would do her good to be around little Poppy Anne, and boy has it. I cannot EVER remember Nana sitting on the floor for any reason whatsoever, but this last week I've repeatedly found her on the floor with Poppy Anne and all the toys, laughing and goofing off in the most beautiful way.  Nana was the first person Poppy Anne "talked" to...when she was four weeks old. Nana seemed to speak her language then, and it sure hasn't changed - little Squish lights all up when Nana is around.

I took Nana with me to pick Poppy up from daycare last week, and we made sure Nana was the first person she saw, not me. Boy that little toothless grin could have out-shone the sun. I just stayed at the door and enjoyed the moment. 

Something unexpected has happened during these last few days with Nana, and actually I think it started when I went up to see her in February.  I've always been closest to my grandpa Poppy and have been very conscious of what he imparted to me through is words, actions, kindness, love. But this year I've really started to see what Nana has imparted to me as well.  She is one of the most resilient women I've ever known. She faces life with a pragmatic realism that helps her keep her steady pace through the ups and downs. I've seen her cry plenty, but I've never seen her fall apart. She is wise, smart and one of the youngest grown-ups I have had the honor of loving.

I've asked her a lot about her life this trip, and it never ceases to amaze me how adventurous she was and still is.  She moved to Texas on a whim at 18. Moved to California on another whim at 20-ish. Met my grandpa Poppy on a blind date and married him 2 months later. July would have been their 63rd wedding anniversary. Wow.

I guess it's just been a time of wider reflection for me...looking at the legacy both of my grandparents have handed down to me. I see where my resilience comes from, my will to survive. I see where my faith in people comes from, even when they have given me reason after reason to stop hoping for the best.  I see where my faith in God comes from - "though He slay me, yet will I trust Him." I see the seeds of my work ethic, love of adventure and travel and so many other things planted over the past 38 years by these two wonderful, amazing people. I am so blessed. I pray I can pass all that and more onto my two beautiful kids as well.

I am reminded of a Rich Mullins song...
"I'll carry the songs I learned when we were kids. I'll carry the scars of generations gone by. I'll pray for you always, and I promise you this - I'll carry on, I'll carry on."