Smiles

I'm a planner by nature. Like to think through things so I'm prepared when they happen - presentations, new jobs, courageous conversations, road trips, having a baby, etc. That's not to say things will always go the way I've planned, but it helps me not be thrown when that happens - because I've thought through possible outcomes already.  I know. Weird.

But it helps me survive and thrive in life.

So...in that planning part of my brain, I started thinking a long time ago what I would say to my daughter when she asks me where babies come from, why boys have that thing that girls don't, why the sky is blue sometimes and black others, what all the spots all over her momma are called and where they came from, why she doesn't have a daddy like other girls do...

All these things go through my head, and I ponder what I might to say to her when she asks me these deep questions, how will I answer in a way that is truthful but that protects her little heart as well?

In the past couple months, I've started experiencing that phenomena of wanting to protect your child yet knowing they need to experience life in order to grow.  My little 8-month old seems to believe it is her job to brighten up every single person's world by smiling at them with her million-watt grin. It's just incredible to watch and very hard not to smile right back, no matter who you are.  Yet there have been some people who are completely immune to that beauty, that gift she's giving them. They look at her as if she doesn't exist and just keep walking. I've watched that little precious face scrunch all up in confusion as she watches them walk away. I've seen her crestfallen when multiple people in a row ignore her, and it just hurts me to my very core.  I have no idea what she's thinking, but I bet you anything that one day she's going to ask me why some people don't smile at her.  And what do I say to her?

I've thought through many different responses and what I've come up with so far is the firm conviction that I will make absolutely sure she knows their reactions are not about her. In any way. Ever.

I so want to protect the wonder I see in her. She absolutely loves cars - loves the sound, the lights, the sizes - thinks they are the coolest thing. She is discovering birds, frogs, trains, crickets. I want to always take time to let her experience those things, even if I'm late for work as a result or don't get to do what I had planned for the day.

I know that the more she discovers, the more questions she will have. And you know what? I'm really looking forward to those questions. They will probably be the toughest I'll ever have to answer in some aspects, and yet in others, they will be the most amazing opportunities to help her little heart grow bigger, deeper and wider.

So, to all those people who don't smile back at my little Squish - I'm so sorry for the priceless gift you passed right by today.